Sad and tiring day, but still many blessings too

It is amazing to me- with all "seemingly bad" things, that in our hearts we often know are not bad at all, comes the same abundance of blessings and good. And really, it is all good whether it appears that way or not. So many blessings this week, along with the sadness and pain.

Today I met with the mortuary and got everything chosen and done there. Lots of decisions to be made. Took much longer than I had expected as I already had our funerals prepaid. My parents were good examples and I was taught to do that and we did that for Joe's mom too. Several years ago I paid for both of our memorials and decided then what we would have, and do, and even paid for flowers and other items. I only paid $175.00 back then for the obituary in paper, and I guess that was the going rate then. But the obituary today I had written cost about $600.00, and that was with a photo and about 45 lines, which the paper probably saw as 90 lines. (theirs are shorter than Microsoft Word's!) I chose the flowers for Joe's service also and made many other decisions. I asked them to remove the bracelet from his arm, and it is now on my arm. I was able to "stuff" my emotions today and do what needed to be done, until then, and that was my hardest moment today. But I am glad I have the bracelet now that was on his arm when he died.

Today I also met with Tammy, operations manager at my church. She has the warmest and kindest heart and is so loving and caring. We planned and selected everything needed for the memorial service and the lunch following the service. It was her day off, but she came in and did all of this with me. Pretty amazing. She made fantastic suggestions and was so helpful. She is going to compile the Louis Jordan songs I want played and record all on one CD to make it easier to play for the service. I also met with Lonnie and he is doing a layout of the program online and then sending it to Kinko's to be printed for me. So many blessings from the heart!

I went to Bamboo Hut at noon and met my dear friend Kathy W. for lunch and we spent a long time going over my Emerson "thesis" that she has proofed for me, but done way more than that. She made an outline and has listed how the paper has to be rearranged to not only fit the outline but finally be in the order it should be. She also made many suggestions and gave me more ideas, and even had ideas for the conclusion, which I knew was not as it should be. She then went through the list of questions the school had listed that the paper had to answer (I had ignored this) and told me the changes and form it all had to take to fulfill that requirement. There is far more than this that she did and I cannot even list it all, it was overwhelming all she has done. Truly amazing! I hope/plan to get this paper redone and changed and as it should be by the end of September, I need to be busy and this will keep me busy once the memorial is over, company has left, and I am alone. I have learned what I need to do, and that is too be busy, so I have plenty planned to fill that need. I start a new class in October also. I also go to see my one year old granddaughter, Emma Ruth, in October, and my five year old grandson, Isaac, and my 17 year old grandson Zachary. I am thankful for my family in Illinois and my family here. Trevor called me yesterday checking on me and said he was worried about me. I am a truly blessed soul.

Life goes on. I am sad and in pain. I hurt deep inside. I have never loved anyone like I have loved Joe. I am going to miss him. But he would not want me to stop living too. I am doing my best to do what he would want me to do.