I think...this is really the last post to this blog

I said I had done my last blog on this site but added the bears post to both of my blog sites.
The bears started with Joe and his brown bear given to him by CLF and Rev. MItzi, so this bear blog belongs here too.
But I may post more bear photos, so might not be the end yet.

In my next lifetime...I want to be a Bear

I’m Gonna be a Bear
Everytime I read this I smile.

In this life I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.
When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.
When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If your a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup… i’m gonna be a bear.

I love this poem and had to find it online, after taking all the bear photos last evening. Plus planning to take more bear photos this Sunday, when the multitude of bears are blessed at my church. This is a photo of my 3 bears and all the bears my friend Kathy W. brought me last night to take to the church on Sunday. Last Monday Nancy and I bought 3 bears and took those to my church also. My 3 bears in the photo are Joe's blessed prayer bear that was given to him by Rev. Mitzi a couple weeks before he died; and the small white bear is mine I got to go with his brown bear; and the larger white bear I bought for Esther, so guess she is seeing her gift early. When she saw my bears, she said she wanted a blessed bear too, so told her I would get her one and I would personally bless it for her!

Last Blog

This blog began in September 2006, one year ago, when Joe entered the care home. It has been a good outlet for me dealing with his disease and care, and my life's ups and downs, and now needs to close. I will start another blog at a different address.

Joe's celebration of life service on Saturday 22nd was as perfect as a memorial could be. Everything I planned worked perfectly and then many more added blessings were given to what I planned. I could never have dreamed for the perfection that it was, and the events and words that occurred without my planning. It was awesome, or as J.C. Walker said on phone to me yesterday, it was "phenomenal". Yes, it was. It was also pure Joe. It was the most unique service I had ever experienced, and those same words were said to me over and over by everyone I spoke with. It lasted two hours, but everyone said it felt like 30 minutes. The impromptu singing by Tommie Jr's five daughters of "This little light of mine" was amazing. I could never have imagined such a blessed thing happening and it was wonderful. And then the many people who stood and told "Joe stories" amazed me also- so many, many wonderful words about Joe and all funny and incredible. The one thing I know to be true, is that no one who was there will ever forget it.

There were 141 friends and family members present. The DVD of Joe that Deidre created was beyond words wonderful. We laughed and cried and celebrated the wonderful person Joe was.
Rev. Mitzi's message and Rev. Michele's recorded message were fantastic. And the wonder of the day as always, was Renee Morgan Brooks singing Amazing Grace, The Rose, and We Will Meet Again. Everyone told me they had never heard anyone sing like Renee. What a blessing for her to share her amazing talent with all of us and be the loving soul and presence that she was. And Jimmy Boyd, the jazz master musician was the best in the valley and we had him on Saturday- another truly amazing performance as he played six Duke Ellington songs. The hit of the day and the most laughter was the fun we had listening to Louis Jordan sing four songs of fun and celebration. The only mistake I made was not telling people they could dance in the aisles to his music, as many said they wanted to! It was just that kind of day and Joe loved it I know!

Deidre gave a wonderful, loving tribute to her father; Tommie Jr., Joe's cousin, also gave a wonderful tribute to Joe; and I read a letter to Joe. Jean June from the Muhammad Ali Center spoke as did Jana, the owner of Joe's first care home. I asked Trevor to sit by me and loved being with my wonderful grandson. Trevor's father was at the service as was Trevor's best friend, Milad. Heidi's boss and several of her friends were there too. My friend, Esther, flew in from Washington DC for the service, and another dear friend, Mary, came in from San Diego.
A lunch was served after the services that Joe would have loved- we had all his favorites- barbecue beef sandwiches, potato salad, sweet potato pie, and more. My friend Peggy came from Tucson, and surprised me too. I had so many friends there, cannot list them all, and appreciated everyone of them being there for me. My sister, Nancy also came from Kansas and stayed five days with me. So many of Joe's cousins were there and it was such a joy and blessing.

You were the most loved person I could ever know, Joe! I sleep with your prayer bear and I cry for you every night and I will love you forever.

Thursday night.....and life goes on

This whole week has been so busy, I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow and my sister Nancy arrives from Kansas, and my daughter, Deidre from Illinois. This week and last week have gone by so fast and are a blur to me. I can't even remember what I have done each day unless I look at my date book. My step-daughter, Ravelle called this evening and she has walking pneumonia and can't be here (she lives in Colorado). I do have my friend Esther flying in from Washington DC and also my friend Mary Mc. coming from San Diego. I know all who loved Joe will be here and that is a good feeling.
My beloved Jewish friends cannot attend because Saturday is Yom Kippur, but their hearts and love will be with me.
Last evening my friend Kathy W. came over and we went to dinner and also talked for hours, then went to the pool to exercise. (it is getting way too cool to get in the pool at night!)

Tonight I had dinner at L'Amore with five other women in my previous cancer support group. All five said they would be at the service. I feel blessed and loved to have so many friends who have said they will be there for me. Today at noon my friend Elaine took me to lunch at Mimi's before I had to go to my Heart care appointment, and she will be at Joe's services also.

I received very good news on Tuesday this week. I had my six month mammogram and I am ok. I had a scare because my oncologist found a lump in my right breast a few weeks ago, but I am ok! Thank you God for this blessing.

Joe's obituary in Phoenix newspaper Sept. 19th, 2007

Joseph Daniel Parker, Jr., "Tic", born October 14, 1931 in Phoenix, Arizona, Booker T. Washington Hospital, 216 E. Washington. He was the only son of Joseph D. Parker Sr. and Erma B. Coe Parker Harris. Joe transitioned on September 9, 2007. Joe attended elementary grades at Booker T. Washington School and Dunbar School. He attended Carver High School 1947-1950. He was drafted into the Army in 1952 and served until 1954. When he got out of the service he attended Phoenix College and graduated in 1956. In 1955 Joe began working for Mountain Bell Telephone Company. Mt. Bell would only hire African Americans as janitors, and this was the position he had until Civil Rights laws were passed. Joe then worked in various positions for Mt. Bell. He retired after 38 years in January, 1993. Joe has one daughter from his first marriage to Opal Weaver, Siretha L. Parker and grandson, Jarran Parker who resides in California. Joe married Ruth Graham on August 28, 1970. They were married 37 years this year. He has three stepchildren, Heidi Graham, Tempe, AZ, Deidre Hefel, Elburn, Illinois, Frankie Graham, deceased. From this marriage there are four grandchildren, Trevor Graham, Zachary Stavinsky, Isaac Hefel and Emma Ruth Hefel. Joe was diagnosed with Lewy Body Parkinson's in 2002. He attended John C. Lincoln Adult Day Care from 2002-2006. In fall 2006, he began residing in a private care home. Joe's physicians and therapists were all part of Muhammad Ali Parkinson's Center. Since early 2007, he has been cared for by Hospice of the Valley. No matter where he was, everyone loved him. Joe loved his friends from childhood, Andrew "Mucho" Williams, J.C. Walker, Don Christopher, Roosevelt "Rip" Woods and "Barbecue" Jack Martin. Joe was well loved by friends and family and will be received on the other side with open arms. Services will be held Saturday, September 22nd at 11:00 am at Creative Living Fellowship Church, 6530 N. 7th St., 602/906-4080. Donations in Joe's memory can be made to Hospice of the Valley, 1510 E. Flower St., Phoenix, AZ 85014 or to Creative Living Fellowship Church

So many memories..................

Life speaks to me in poems these days. This is a card I received today that really touched my heart.
"Imagine the beauty of it........
that moment when the soul
of a loved one
returns to the stars,
the voices whispering,
I remember you."
(thank you, Adrian!)

And then another received today from my sister,
"All the beautiful memories
gathered through the years
are yours to keep forever."

Thank goodness for the wonderful memories............ 37 years of them!

On Sunday Heidi came over and really helped me a lot. She cleaned my tile floors (no easy job) and vacuumed all carpeting and rugs. Then we went to Costco to buy needed supplies for the lunch after services on Saturday. It was a full and busy day, as I also went to church Sunday morning.
Today was a difficult day for me. After I finished taking the supplies to the church, I went to the mortuary to pick up Joe's ashes. I took the beautiful urn I had purchased on Saturday and they put some of his ashes into the urn and then sealed it.
I would like to express my feelings over that, but find it hard to do.
It was of course what I wanted, but hard to know it is done.
What I have now is memories and photos.

Just the opening and closing of a door.............

I think I am doing pretty good, but am beginning to wonder. I know none of us see ourselves as others see us. Tonight I got an email saying I sound confused. Well, sometimes I am, I guess. Makes me wonder if I am doing as well as I think I am.
I have been wearing since Monday the Safe Return bracelet Joe was wearing when he died. I noticed a couple days ago that on the back of the bracelet it says " I am mentally impaired".
I took the bracelet off tonight. I wore it for six days and am sure Joe would understand about me taking it off. (he might even get a good laugh out of it, and maybe he has!)
I did wonder a couple days ago what would happen if I were in an accident and they read that on the bracelet!

It has taken all week to make all the arrangements and do all the necessary things I needed and wanted to do. This morning I realized I was a bit worried about tonight as I had nothing to do and would be alone faced with doing nothing (except thinking). Two friends saved the day and night for me. The first one I inititated by calling my friend Belinda and going to her home this afernoon for a couple of hours. Just before I did that, my dear friend Theresa called me and said she was coming over and wanted to spend time with me. So she came over at 5:30 and we went to the Hole in the Wall restaurant at the Pointe resort and ate a fantastic dinner outside by the pool and waterfalls, and it was pleasant weather and very nice and refreshing experience. I had the best grilled salmon I have ever had and the atmosphere and company were WONDERFUL.
Then Theresa and I came back to my condo and we went to the pool for rest of evening until after 9;00. That was great too. We also did the jacuzzi and talked and talked. I was grateful for Theresa! I was thinking today how 14 years ago she was at my home right away and there for me the whole week when my son Frankie died, and now she has spent two days with me this week. What a special friend she is! And I am grateful! I count myself blessed that she is in my life. And she seems to know what I need without me saying a word.

I received the most wonderful letter and poem today (and a Unity booklet) from the very dear Rev. Flo Dibblee, who I have known many years. I would like to share it as it was perfect for her to send it to me (just as she knew it would be). She had a note on the back of the very bulky envelope , "this was as hard to wrap as a wooden spoon. Love you, Flo".
It made me wonder if she remembered the time at Christmas 2000, when I gave her a wooden spoon tied with a favorite recipe attached, and she told me later she said a prayer for me every time she looked at the spoon! I know I have to have the most amazing people in my life of anyone!

THE TRAVELER

by James Dillet Freeman

He has put on invisibility.

Dear Lord, I cannot see---

But this I know, although the road ascends

And passes from my sight,

That there will be no night;

That YOU will take him gently by the hand

And lead him on along the road of life that never ends,

And he will find it is not death but dawn.

I do not doubt that you are there as here,

And YOU will hold him dear.

Our life did not begin with birth,

It is not of the earth;

And this that we call death, it is no more then the opening and closing of a door--

And in Your house how many rooms must be,

Beyond this one were we rest momently.

Dear Lord, I thank you for the faith that frees,

The love that knows it cannot lose its own;

The love that, looking through the shadows, sees that You and he and I are one!

Thank you, my beloved Flo!

We Will Meet Again

The song chosen to end the memorial service, and oh how true it is.

We Will Meet Again lyrics
Artist Name - Oleta Adams
Song Lyrics - We Will Meet Again

You've gone away, left us today
For another place and time
With so much more to give, so much life to live
So much love you've left behind
That's what makes it hard for me
That what makes it so unfair
I only know that someday, somewhere
We will meet again,
We will meet again.

Though I must let you go
I know it's not the end
It may take a lifetime
But wait for me my love,
Cause I promise you
We will meet again.

Don't you cry, at least please try
I can hear you say to me.
So I'll be strong, I'll carry on
Cause I know that's how you'd want it to be.

And everytime I start missing
Not having you around
I'll just remember it's just so long for now.
We will meet again,
We will meet again.

Though I must let you go
I know it's not the end
It may take a lifetime
But wait for me my love,
Cause I promise you
We will meet again.

Now it seems like we're worlds apart
But we're connected at the heart,
Oh, there's still memories to be made,
And I won't be afraid,
No, I won't be afraid.
We will meet again,
We will meet again.

Though I must let you go
I know it's not the end
We will meet again,
We will meet again.
For I promise you,
We will meet again.

Joe's Going Home Celebration

The prayer bear is home with me

On Tuesday I went to the care home where Joe had been, and collected his clothing and belongings, and the prayer bear. The bear is sleeping with me now. The bear was always on Joe's chest, snuggled in his arms, or his head was resting on the bear. All day Saturday the bear was snuggled to left side of his head and that is where the little bear was when Joe died. I looked into the eyes of the little bear at bedtime, and the eyes seemed and felt real-it was almost like looking into Joe's eyes and was a very strange feeling. Also very comforting. Night time is when I grieve and "fall apart" and Tuesday night was the hardest with having the bear, but also I was glad to have the bear with me and held it in my arms. The absolute most difficult thing I had to do was when I walked into his room and saw the empty bed. I had thought about it in advance and tried to prepare myself for that. Maybe I did some, but it was still difficult.

My friend Arlene told me that when her husband, Tom died a few years ago, that even with his body still in the room, she knew he was gone and only the body was left. She said her son Gary said it best, "It was as if Tom had left his overcoat on the bed and walked away." I kept remembering that when I was at the funeral home and knew his body was just in another room. I knew he was not in that room, but he was right with me, and always would be as long as I needed him to be.

Tuesday night when I was in the pool doing my water exercises, I looked up to the stars and cried, and thought of this poem.

"In one of the stars

I shall be living

In one of them

I shall be laughing

And so it will be

As if all the stars

Were laughing

When you look

At the sky at night."

(from the Little Prince)

I will always watch for Joe in the stars and think of him when I look at them.

Sad and tiring day, but still many blessings too

It is amazing to me- with all "seemingly bad" things, that in our hearts we often know are not bad at all, comes the same abundance of blessings and good. And really, it is all good whether it appears that way or not. So many blessings this week, along with the sadness and pain.

Today I met with the mortuary and got everything chosen and done there. Lots of decisions to be made. Took much longer than I had expected as I already had our funerals prepaid. My parents were good examples and I was taught to do that and we did that for Joe's mom too. Several years ago I paid for both of our memorials and decided then what we would have, and do, and even paid for flowers and other items. I only paid $175.00 back then for the obituary in paper, and I guess that was the going rate then. But the obituary today I had written cost about $600.00, and that was with a photo and about 45 lines, which the paper probably saw as 90 lines. (theirs are shorter than Microsoft Word's!) I chose the flowers for Joe's service also and made many other decisions. I asked them to remove the bracelet from his arm, and it is now on my arm. I was able to "stuff" my emotions today and do what needed to be done, until then, and that was my hardest moment today. But I am glad I have the bracelet now that was on his arm when he died.

Today I also met with Tammy, operations manager at my church. She has the warmest and kindest heart and is so loving and caring. We planned and selected everything needed for the memorial service and the lunch following the service. It was her day off, but she came in and did all of this with me. Pretty amazing. She made fantastic suggestions and was so helpful. She is going to compile the Louis Jordan songs I want played and record all on one CD to make it easier to play for the service. I also met with Lonnie and he is doing a layout of the program online and then sending it to Kinko's to be printed for me. So many blessings from the heart!

I went to Bamboo Hut at noon and met my dear friend Kathy W. for lunch and we spent a long time going over my Emerson "thesis" that she has proofed for me, but done way more than that. She made an outline and has listed how the paper has to be rearranged to not only fit the outline but finally be in the order it should be. She also made many suggestions and gave me more ideas, and even had ideas for the conclusion, which I knew was not as it should be. She then went through the list of questions the school had listed that the paper had to answer (I had ignored this) and told me the changes and form it all had to take to fulfill that requirement. There is far more than this that she did and I cannot even list it all, it was overwhelming all she has done. Truly amazing! I hope/plan to get this paper redone and changed and as it should be by the end of September, I need to be busy and this will keep me busy once the memorial is over, company has left, and I am alone. I have learned what I need to do, and that is too be busy, so I have plenty planned to fill that need. I start a new class in October also. I also go to see my one year old granddaughter, Emma Ruth, in October, and my five year old grandson, Isaac, and my 17 year old grandson Zachary. I am thankful for my family in Illinois and my family here. Trevor called me yesterday checking on me and said he was worried about me. I am a truly blessed soul.

Life goes on. I am sad and in pain. I hurt deep inside. I have never loved anyone like I have loved Joe. I am going to miss him. But he would not want me to stop living too. I am doing my best to do what he would want me to do.

Joe left peacefully today

My beloved husband made his transition this morning around 7:00 am.

He died in his sleep.

Keep me in your prayers.

love, ruth

Another concert for Joe and more

The update on Joe is that he seems to have aspiration pneumonia and has had a low grade fever for past two days of 99-100, and this will probably continue. His lungs are quite congested and he seems to do more choking and coughing each day. He did not eat today (and only a couple bites yesterday) and even choked on water sometimes today. I spent six hours with him today and am now going every day and spending as much time there as possible. The new home's hours cut off at 7:00 pm, so I leave by or before that time. If there are any changes during night, she will call me.

This afternoon Rev. Mitzi came to see Joe and brought two singers with her- Merilee (who I had not met before), and Jessica (who I heard sing at a concert at my church recently). Merilee sang two beautiful songs I did not know. Jessica sang "When I Fall in Love" and made us all cry,
and also sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" and "Unforgettable" (Nat King Cole).
Then Merilee and Jessica sang acapella together, "Amazing Grace", one of Joe's favorites, and made us all cry again. They both said they felt honored to be there.
Then Rev. Mitzi performed an anointing service for Joe, It was absolutely beautiful. She anointed and blessed his brain (his thoughts), his eyes, his lips, his legs and feet, which will soon walk with the Divine. She blessed all his body (and thanked it and each part of it), for how they helped him through out his lifetime on this earth, and had served him well. Then did a blessing of giving him permission to go when he is ready, and then asked me to give him permission and say something to him too. It was a moving and beautiful ceremony.

I am so grateful for Mitzi. I would be there alone without her. She has been there with Joe and me, many times and is on call 24/7 to me, to talk or pray. I really do not know what I would have done without her, since I have no one else to be there for me. I have many friends, but all are busy with their own lives, and are not on call to me, or could come right away. All I have to do is call and she is there. It has meant so much to me, more than I can begin to express. Last Thursday night when this began, I talked to her three times. I have no one else who fills her shoes. She even said I could call her at any time or any hour, and I know she means it. I am forever grateful.

An important day

I started this online journal one year ago. I was looking back at what I had written in September 2006 when Joe first entered a care home. I saw this statement I wrote on September 25th last year, and knew how much it held true for today as well.

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day"....Alexander Woolcot, American writer, died 1943. I was thinking not much to write about today and then realized that was not true. Every day we live is important. So this is about my day, and my visit to Joe.

Yesterday things changed with Joe, and I got several calls in the afternoon that he was not feeling well and had an elevated temperature. It was 101 at about 3:30 and by 6:00 when I called it had risen to 103. Not good. I left and went to see him and stayed until 9:30 last night.
They are giving him Tylenol, and I had several talks with the hospice nurse, and by the time I left it had dropped a bit. I talked to his caregiver this morning and the temperature was still going up and down but was at 100 when I called. I plan to go see him shortly.

I spent all of yesterday morning searching microfiche at the downtown County Recorder's office.
Have been very actively involved with the VA getting information they need, searching for it, calling people, going to the VA office, and so on. This was also spurred into action by my turning Joe's file over to John McCain's office in Phoenix. It turns out there is one gentleman in his office who works only on veterans issues, so he was the one who reviewed the file and contacted VA. I learned several things I did not know until this week, as to requirements we thought we had met (providing information) that we still need to provide. Hopefully, soon this can now all get approved and Joe can receive some disability pension benefits. It has been a very, very busy past two days working on this and getting it all together, but it is exhilarating to know you found what is needed after hours of searching. (thank you Brigitte and Ben for your guidance)

My longtime friend, Marian, came from the Cottonwood/Sedona area to Phoenix for the day yesterday and spent four hours with me yesterday afternoon talking and getting caught up on each other's news and happenings. We had a wonderful visit. I had not seen her for several years. She and her husband Gary are very busy with the retreat they own, which is a wonderful place called Western Spirit Center and Retreat. www.westernspiritranch.com
I first met Marian and Gary at Unity Church many years ago. It was wonderful having this lovely afternoon with Marian. I give thanks every day for the wonderful friends in my life.

Rev. Mitzi was there for me and for Joe today also. I talked to her several times on the phone last evening and she volunteered to come see Joe, but it was late and didn't want her to, so she prayed with me on the phone. I talked to her again after I got home last night. Am so thankful for her love, care, concern, and prayers. Her words to me when I was with Joe last night were such a blessing, "Ruth, you are not alone in this."

Just another plug for Marian's retreat also: (check it out)
Western Spirit Enrichment Center, Inc.
(An Arizona non-profit corporation)
1-866-ONESPIRIT (663-7747)
P.O. Box 386
Sedona, AZ 86339-0386
info@westernspiritranch.com

Private concert for Joe

Orgena Rose, a talented singer and songwriter, who often sings at my church, did a private concert for Joe in his room today. Dr. Rev. Mitzi Lynton asked Orgena to sing for Joe and sing she did! She sang several songs for him and even got a number of smiles from him. I know Joe loved it. When she was done, he told her "thank you".
These are photos of Orgena and Rev. Mitzi, and even a picture of Mitzi kissing Joe and getting a real big smile from him. These were the first smiles from Joe I have seen in over a week, so that made me very happy too. Thank you Mitzi and Orgena. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing your happiness and joy into Joe's room! God bless you both!

Life is incredible...any way you look at it.

So much happens in my life, I can hardly keep up with it. I have never had a boring, uneventful life, and for me that is a good thing. The most wonderful thing happened today as well. I knew the answer to my daily prayers would come, it always does.
Yesterday I had lunch with three friends at Auntchiladas- three sisters, Ruthie, Jan,and Sharon. Sharon asked me (or started to ask me) how things were going with the VA and Joe, and I answered her before she could say the words. She said, "how did you know that is what I was going to say?", and all I knew was that I just knew.
I told her nothing had happened but I was actively pursuing getting a letter about this in John McCain's hands, or really into the hands of someone in his office, who could get it to him. I had gotten a wrong address from the internet and my letter came back this past Friday afternoon. And the email sent two weeks ago had not been answered. I said I had found a new address and was going to drive to it on Tuesday (today). This morning Ruthie called and said she had not said anything yesterday as she did not know what she could do, but she had called McCain's Phoenix office and knows the woman who runs the office, and she talked to her and told her my story.
The end result here is that I put together a file of everything that had been done so far on this case, and I took it to John McCain's office, and met with the wonderful lady and handed her all my information. They have a gentleman in that office who only works on veteran's issues and she will turn my file over to him. She said I would receive a letter from John McCain saying they were working on it, and I would be notified as soon as they know anything on the case. I am asking everyone I know and don't know, to lift this up in your prayers and ask for intervention from McCain's office to get positive results with the VA in Joe's benefits case. The case was filed last October 31, 2006, so it has been 10 months in its process, and it is now time for action, positive action, to be taken. I am eternally grateful for this opportunity and this answer to prayer, and so grateful for being able to hand over the information on Joe's case today to a real live, wonderful person! Thank you Ruthie! And thank you Sharon for asking the question yesterday! Life is good.

My favorite photos for the week (from my life)

Emma Ruth (my one year old granddaughter) with her first new walking shoes on (she's mad at being set upon the pigs!), and Joe's "prayer bear" blessed by friends from Creative Living Fellowship (our church) and given to Joe by Rev. Mitzi. The bear sleeps with him all the time and is in his arms or lying nearby every time I go to see him. It is so soft and cuddly, how could anyone not love it? Thank you, CLF!