I promised Joe a beer!

I told Joe today that he has a birthday in 2 weeks and I would bring cake and ice cream, See's candy, and a beer! All he really wants is the beer!

Joe was waiting at the door for me this afternoon. He really wanted to see me. He did not complain about anything and was very sweet. We sat on the sofa and talked. Most of the time he wanted to tell me something and before he could tell me, it was gone and he had no idea what he wanted to tell me. He started many sentences but never finished them. I would laugh and make jokes of it and he would laugh too. It makes me happiest when I can make him laugh.

I asked him if he wanted to talk to his friend "Barbecue Jack" in California and he said he did, so I called him and let Joe talk to him. Of course, true to what Joe does, he never said he was in a group home, just joked and laughed with Jack and said everything was wonderful and he felt great. Then I talked to Jack and he said "Joe sounds wonderful". Yes, he alwys does when he talks to his old friends.
And Joe was feeling good today and he was in a good mood.

After about an hour and a half, Joe said he was sleepy and wanted to take a nap before dinner. Pat sat with us part of the time this afternoon and she thinks Joe is great. She told me "I forget things just like Joe does. I think maybe we are brother and sister!" I thought that was wonderful!
Well, this is blog # 3 for today, so think the day has been pretty well covered.
I had a nice evening also-had dinner with my friend Marie (good friend from Unity days) and we ate at Sam's Cafe at Biltmore Plaza.

Susan's visit with Joe

I guess there will be three blogs today. I wrote one already this morning, and will write another after I visit him this afternoon. I am just copying Susan's email to me after her lunch with Joe at the group home today. It makes me sad to read it. Susan is such a good friend and she took lunch to him today from Carolina's, a place they always loved to go to.

Joe did question eating outside and I suggested the breakfast bar but he went outside and checked that we were in the shade and said it was OK; not too warm. We set outside about an hour. When we came in, it was 12:45 and
I asked if everyone was taking a nap. The ladies said they were so I told
Joe he better get his "beauty sleep." Ruth, we talked about a lot of stuff.
I would mention names or places that I knew he knew and his answers made
absolutely no sense at all. I would tell him that I did not know the
answer, or did not remember either. But, we were able to laugh and make fun
of ourselves. He only ate half of his burro and asked me to have the other
half put away for later so that is what I did. Every time he heard a voice
inside he said that it sounded like Ruth. He went inside once to see if
someone was there (I am not sure who.) I am glad we got to visit for
whatever it was worth to him. It meant a lot to me. I got a hug coming and
going. I told him we were moving to the Ranch next month. But, he has even
forgotten a lot about what that is. He used to ask me questions about it.

More news on Joe

I am writing this morning before I see Joe today, and will write another blog after I see him. I had a phone call this morning from Jana, the owner of the group homes,
and she said that Joe acted like it was "his home". She was there this week and had brought people to see the home, and Joe came right to them and greeted them and said "I'm Joe". Then sat down and talked to them and Jana put on jazz DVD's for him. She said the people she brought there fell in love with Joe, too, and told her they would choose her home because of Joe! Jana said Joe was taking Herman's place, because that was exactly what Herman used to do. I remember the first time I met Jana there to look at the home, Herman came out in his wheelchair and introduced himself to me, and said "Don't look any further. This home is wonderful. Bring your husband here." I knew that was unsolicited advice, just as Joe's was to these people, and it definetly helps you decide. Jana told me not to worry about Joe as he was doing great!

My friend Esther graduates!

I know this is my second blog today but have to show a pic of Esther I took tonight.
She just got back a day or so ago from a week in Atlanta, so we went to dinner tonight at Tutti Santi's. Yes, it was my second time there this week, but it is so great, and Esther had never been there. After dinner we came back to the condo and she put on her cap and gown and I took some photos for her. She graduates from the University of Phoenix on October 15th. It was a fun and relaxing evening for me. Thank you, God.

Today, Thursday, is a GOOD day!

Today Kathy Szecsi and I went to see Joe. Kathy is our neighbor from when we lived on 17th Place in the mt. preserve. She is also our dear friend who cuts Joe's hair every month. She dearly loves Joe and we both love her, so it was a very nice visit and she also shaved his head today! She took him some edible treats and said "she was his girfriend for the day".

While I made two blenders full of chocolate and protein milkshakes for the residents who wanted them, Kathy talked to Joe. She told me he said he had a bad day today. So later I asked him why it was a bad day, and he could not give me or Kathy a reason. He did come in the kitchen when I was making the milkshakes and asked me if he was going home with me today. I think he was wishing to come home today so when he couldn't, he called it a bad day. I told him I had not been to Chicago yet and was going in a few days, so he needed to stay there. He didn't say anything, as there was really nothing for him to say, but he did not argue with me about it at least.
I know no one WANTS to be in a group home, but that still does not mean they should not be there. Kathy was impressed with the home and the people and said he could not be in a nicer place than he was in.

Later I told him maybe we should talk about the definition of a "bad day". I told him a bad day was when you could not get out of bed, could not eat, were sick, etc. He had 2 wonderful meals today and a milkshake, he had a nice nap, and he was walking and talking and feeling good, so today was a GOOD day for him! He finally agreed!

This reminds me of this quote by a man we all admired and loved:
"You're not going to make me have a bad day. If there's oxygen on earth and I'm breathing, it's going to be a good day."....Cotton Fitzsimmons (1931-2004)

My heart was touched..a true blessing.

Helen Keller once said " The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen, nor touched....but are felt in the heart." That was certainly true today for me.
This morning I attended Herman Goldberg's graveside services at Beth Israel Cemetery in Phoenix. It was beautiful and touching, and I was so glad I went to the services. He was a much loved man and will be very much missed. Each of his four grandsons spoke about memories with their grandfather, as did Herman's son, Steve and daughter, Amy. His son-in-law spoke also and said Herman called him his # 1 son-in-law (he was the only one) and so he called Herman his #1 grandfather. I know Herman was everyone's #1 friend. His son did not seem surprised to see me but his daughter was. They knew I had only known him a short time and they hugged me and welcomed me and I know they were glad I came. It was a day that really touched my heart.

This afternoon I spent a couple hours at the group home with Joe, and he was calm, happy and just wonderful. I sat by him and held his hand and we talked, and all seemed well to me. I am so proud of how he has adjusted and seems now to enjoy the group home. He never complains about anything except now and then about Jules asking for help all the time. But even Jules was better today. Today the home owners, Jana and Peter, talked to me at the funeral services and told me how much they loved Joe and what a sweet and wonderful man he was. As I always say, everyone loves Joe. "Raymond" just thinks everyone loves Raymond, but we know for sure that everyone loves Joe! Linda Bliss came to the home while I was there and she brought Joe cookies from Paradise Bakery. She said she wanted to be one of his girlfriends too! I had told her about Susan and Maggie being his "girlfriends"!
I bought 4 packets of vegetable seeds today so Linda and Maggie, and whoever wants to, can help Joe start a garden in the backyard! I expect to see some sprouts growing when I get back from my trip! (we hope)
Thank you God for a good day.

Another important day

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day"....Alexander Woolcot, American writer, died 1943. I was thinking not much to write about today and then realized that was not true. Every day we live is important. So this is about my day, and my visit to Joe. And also some other things that happened today.

I was to meet the nurse at group home today but that got mixed up, but I did go there at 10:30 this morning. When I rang the bell and Lenor answered the door, she told me that when Joe heard the bell he said "that is my wife". He was watching one of his DVD's and so wasn't talking much but he was in a pretty good mood today. He even joked with me and with Maggie, one of the activity directors. He really likes her and told me she reminded him of Deidre. She is a very happy, joyful person and she does have a personality similar to Deidre's. She had finished her exercise class with the residents and was serving them chocolate dipped ice cream cones filled with vanilla and pecan ice cream. They loved it! I told Joe he never got ice cream cones in middle of morning from me!

Pat and I went in to meet and visit with the new female resident, Leslie. Her daughter was there also, and we had a good visit and Pat loves having another woman there to talk to. And I think Leslie likes to talk as much as Pat does! Pat told me today I was an answer to her prayers! She is such a sweetie and she looks forward to me coming there every day. Joe teased me about talking to everyone there. He knows I enjoy talking to all the reidents and they all know me now.

I stayed at the group home until it was about time for their lunch, then kissed Joe bye and told him I would see him again tomorrow. I am going to Herman's funeral services tomorrow morning at Beth Israel cemetery. The entire staff loved Herman so much. We are all really going to miss him.

I then met Linda Bliss for lunch at Claim Jumper and we had a fantastic grilled salmon and asparagus lunch. I brought most of it home for dinner tonight-it was a lot of food and was delicious.
I had a message from Carmen and called her this morning. Last week was her last week of chemo and she was feeling pretty good today. I am so glad her chemo is over.
I had phone calls this afternoon from Deidre, and then one from Cano. I even watched TV for awhile tonight (something I have not done in months) and read. It was just a nice day and all went well. Thank you God for this day....yes, this important day.

The evening of "what a day"......

I just have to add another blog to this day. I had a very nice evening with a friend and she said some things to me that have helped me. Tanya, who is my upstairs neighbor (has the condo above me) just returned home from a two month trip a couple of days ago. She wanted us to go to dinner tonight and get caught up on each others NEWS of past 2 months. We had a wonderful dinner at Tutti Santi's, and a couple hours of very good conversation.

When I told her my WHO AM I dilemma, and who am I if I am happy but Joe is unhappy- she told me a story. Tanya has been a counselor and worked in social services, until she also had breast cancer a couple years ago. She is the same age I am. I say this to show we have both lived long full lives with some similar experiences. Tanya said a few years ago she listened as a woman brought her father to a home to stay, and the father screamed at her "how dare you leave me here? I gave birth to you!! how could you do this to me?". Then a couple months later the father was so happy there that he would not have gone anywhere else.

I knew this but it really hit me tonight when she told this story, that it JUST TAKES TIME.
I have known this all along but kept forgetting it. And when each day you see unhappiness on your loved one's face just because they are some place new, it is often hard to remember IT JUST TAKES TIME. I know I need to give this a couple months and see what develops. I do not know if it will be better, but I need to wait and see. So that is how I feel tonight, which is an improvement over this morning. Of course, I could change my mind again. After all, I am a woman. Right?

Sunday visit with Joe

Joe had a good Sunday! Our very dear friends Johnny and Susan Dunnivant came to visit him, and also his 17 year old grandson Trevor (who visited him yesterday also).
Susan is "his girlfriend" who took him to Muhammad Ali Parkinson exercise class every Tuesday afternoon for a year, and also many, many lunches together and was also his walking buddy. Johnny and Susan are always a welcome sight. They have bought almost 40 acres in northern AZ so are not around here much, so we are always glad to see them. Susan and I had a lovely talk with Pat, and she was so happy and smiling and thanked both of us "girls" (as she calls us) for spending time talking to her and we both kissed her. She is such a joy.

Trevor, Joe and I went to IHOP for a lunch that was really breakfast. We had a great time there and really delicious pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, hash browns-the works- it was all good. I think Joe had a very nice day. I thought he would enjoy going out to eat and he really seemed to enjoy it.

There was very sad news today though and I am still having problems with it. Herman died yesterday morning about 7:00. That is why they had the door closed yesterday when I just assumed he was sleeping. I feel a real emptiness in my heart and am very sad, even though I only knew him a short time. He was a very special person and I will miss his smiling face when I go to the group home. Rest in peace, Herman-God bless you. I will really miss you.

My Sunday morning thoughts

"Every decision you make...every decision...is not a decision about what to do.
It's a decision about who you are."

This is the first line of a quote Esther sent me last week. It is posted on my wall.
It makes me ask myself WHO AM I?
Wow, that is not easy to answer. Really, who am I?

I am loving and caring. I am generous. I accept responsibility for what I think and do.
I am God's child. I am worthy and deserve good things and happiness.
It is hard for me to really see who I am. I hope I am good.

That brings me to my decision on Joe. I want him to be in a safe place and well cared for.
I want him to know he is loved. I want only the best for him always.
But "who am I" by putting him in a home he does not want to be in?
Who am I? I want less stress, and I want more peace. I do not want to be a prisoner in my own home. I want to take evening classes again and become a licensed spiritual counselor/practitioner. I want freedom. But am I getting this by making Joe unhappy?
I want the answers to this. I cannot have what I want at the cost of making Joe unhappy.

I talked to his friend Don last night on the phone, and Don tells me Joe does not know where I am. He thinks I am on a trip but he is not sure anymore where I am. Joe thinks he is in the group home just while I am on a trip. He said "is Joe staying there?" And he asked me when I was going to tell Joe that he was. I said I would after the trip. But can I? I do not know.

It is best for me, but is it best for Joe? And why do I feel bad when I know he will never think it is best for him? Because I love him, and this hurts. I cry this morning over a decision that is so hard to make, and when I make it, who will it say that I am?????

Saturday visit with Joe

Today I picked up my grandson, Trevor, in Tempe and we went to lunch at his favorite Mexican restaurant not far from his home (Serrano's). After that we went to see Joe. We got there about 2:30 pm and I thought Joe would just be waking up from his nap. It turned out he was just going down for his nap! His friend since childhood, Don, had been there and left minutes before we came. I could see Joe was tired and needing his nap but he was so happy to see Trevor that he got up anyway.

We went into the living room and talked for awhile and spent a good portion of that time hunting for his glasses. I can see this is going to be a problem, as he has two pairs of glasses there-one for reading and one for watching TV-and he gets them mixed up. Today one of the staff finally found his distance glasses but no one could find his reading glasses. I think his glasses were in someone else's glass case but not sure. I finally told Joe we would leave and he needed to get a nap. Trevor and I walked him to his room, and Trevor put on Joe's Ray Charles CD for him, and then we got him in bed. I kissed Joe and then Trevor kissed him, and Joe reached out his arm to Trevor and said. "You are my heart."

That did me in, it was a tearjerker ending for sure. Joe really adores Trevor and had asked where Trevor was twice this week. I was so glad Trevor could go to see him today.

The Villa has their 9th resident as of today. They now have another woman, Leslie- so am sure Pat is happy about that. I did not get to meet Leslie today. Pat was getting a perm-it was Beauty Salon day! Herman's door was closed and I hope and pray he is ok. I will find out tomorrow. It was very quiet there today-I think everyone was napping this afternoon.
I did get Joe's roomate, Bob to speak to us today. I greeted him and introduced him to Trevor and he even smiled. He usually never says anything. So this was progress! Trevor was impressed with the home and liked it. He saw it was nothing like a standard nursing home and I think he was happy his grandfather was in such a lovely place. Joe's standard comment every time I see him is, "this is one big-ass house!"
No complaining today. He was too sleepy and tired to complain, and think he is settling in more each day. Thank you, God.

Photo of Joe's group home in Scottsdale

This is where Joe is living. It is a very large, very lovely home. It has a huge backyard and large patio to sit and enjoy. It is licensed for 10 people, and has 8 there right now. I am very much a proponent of group homes and think they are great. No sign in front, just a lovely home in a residential neighborhood. Feels like your own home.

I had another wonderful thing happen today. I attended our monthly lunch with my cancer support group. Today we met at the Arcadia Farms restuarant at the Phoenix Art Museum. There was 7 of us today and the food was delicious and it is great for us to get together and get caught up on our news. Such good friends and I treasure each one. This was our 4th month doing this. We are all either graduates of support group at Wellness Community or still attending a support group there. We are cancer survivors and strong women and proud of it!
Life is good. Thank you, God.

The latest at the Villa at Sweetwater

More news from Villa at Sweetwater, Joe's new home. This is Sydney and Pat dancing on Wednesday-think it is so cute just have to add it here. Sydney can't speak but he has the most beautiful smile and is very loving. Pat likes to talk and is a little happy "doll".

Maggie, the exercise class "teacher and angel" told me she will take Joe on Tuesdays to the Parkinson's exercise class at the Freedom Inn, only about a mile and half from the home. So this is going to be great. Joe has gone to the Muhammad Ali Parkinson class for about 4 years, and now he can continue this class at a different location. Maggie is jsut so wonderful and I thank her so much for doing this.

I visited Joe this afternoon and as usual, he had just finished his after lunch nap and was reading his AZ Informant paper in the big easy chair in the TV living room. He said he had a good day. He did not complain about a single thing today. He was very nice and talked to me and we had a very nice visit. It was almost boring-ha! While I was there Deidre did call me on my cell from Illinois and she was in the basement of her home with Emma Ruth and loud tornado siren warnings were being sounded. It was her first time to experience this and she was scared! She had called Isaac's pre-school and his class was in a safe room, and Zachary was at a ballgame that got cancelled because of the warnings and they were in school gym in a safe room.

She called me twice from the basement-this was an experience that really shook her up! She said the siren was so loud it did not just go to your ears but through your heart. She did call me later on and let me know they were ok but lots of storms there. Hope this is all over before I get there week after next!

So thank you God, things have calmed down a bit, and Joe is learning to live in the group home. Tomorrow Trevor is coming to see him so that will make him happy (Trevor is our 17 year old grandson who lives in Tempe). This was day 7 and right now, all is well.

Joe dancing!

This was on Wedneday 9/20.
Joe is dancing to a Dean Martin CD
with Rosie, a staff member. He got to smile a bit this day and that was good!

Day 6 with Joe at Villa on Sweetwater

It is almost a week. Hard for me to believe.
The week caught up with me today and I sort of crashed. My energy level was very low.
Even after sleeping 8 hours last night, I was still very tired, so stayed home most of the day and took an hour nap late this morning.

I went to see Joe right at his dinner-time. They serve very nutritious plain home-cooked meals, and Joe always has ice cream after dinner. He waved at me when I came in the house and I walked over to him, then left them all alone to finish dinner.

After dinner when I sat with him, he was very quiet. When he did speak, he rambled and most of what he said made no sense at all. It was a bad day for him. He has the good and bad, and this was not a day he could communicate very well. When he did talk he talked so low and so soft, I could not even hear or understand him. I moved a chair very close to him, but even then he said only fragments of a sentence and nothing made sense.

He is always better earlier in the day and even fairly good in mid-afternoon. But I think he has the Alzheimer trait of "sun-downers", which they get less ok as day goes on and are at the worst by evening. I have noticed this often with him.
All in all, a low key day.

Emma and Isaac

This is my 4 year old grandson, Isaac and my one and only granddaughter, Emma Ruth.
I will be visiting them in less than 2 weeks and can hardly wait.
Grandchildren are the true joy of my life.
My visit to Joe today was not my bright spot of the day, so wanted to show something wonderful in my blog today, and here they are!!
Emma Ruth's christening will be October 8th in a small Unity church in Illinois, and will be part of the Sunday morning service.

Havana Cafe and more........

Today my plan was to be at the group home before 3:00 pm so I could watch/particpate in the activity hour. My friend Nancy Salminen, who I met at Muhammad Ali Center caregiver meetings (when her father attended the Parkinson's class) was doing the class, as she does every Wednesday afternoon. I got to the home about 2:45 and had time alone with Joe before Nancy arrived. Joe was sitting alone in living room, reading today's paper, when I got there and he was glad to see me.

He told me he was "going to cut my ears off" for putting him in this home. But he sort of laughed, and I did too. Joe has always said this to everyone in an endearing way, and especially to my children and their friends when they were growing up. An old man used to say that to him when he was a kid, and he has always used it in a kidding way. So it made me think maybe things were better. Then later he did tell me that for a second he hated me when I put him there, but he did not hate me now. And then at another time this afternoon he said he had been there for a week, and I told him he had been there 5 days. And he replied "it feels like 5 years."
Every so often he would make some remark (sort of negative) about the place. I think he is doing better but he does not love being there, that is for sure. I did tell him I would only have him stay in a place I would have been willing to stay in, and he said, "you can say that because you are not staying here. If you were, you wouldn't like it." Which is probably true. But he did tell me he was sleeping better and had a good sleep last night. And they showered and shaved him today- so he was looking good.

Nancy Salminen had them do bowling. She had a heavier ball (not as heavy as the real thing) and some lightweight large pins she set up for each of them and they had 3 tries to knock them all down. They had fun doing this it seemed to me. Then she put on a Dean Martin CD and they danced! Well, some of them danced. One of the staff, Rosie, danced with Joe, and then with a couple other men. And Pat the only woman there (I think she is 91. She is not sure about her birthday but today told me she thought it was December 19, 1915, although I am not sure this is right), danced with Sydney who cannot talk. They were so cute! I took pictures of all them- bowling and dancing!).

Herman Goldberg, who is my favorite resident, (other than Joe, of course!) has cancer and has been very sick since yesterday. His son came to see him this afternoon, and I talked to him and also talked to Herman. I kissed him and told him I was praying for him, and that I loved him. He said "I love you too". He is the sweetest man and I love talking to him. His mind is sharp but his body is falling apart. Later when the bowling started he got out of bed and into his wheelchair and came and played too. I was happy to see him do that.

You can easily get very attached to these people. Joe is by far the youngest person there. It is an interesting experience and one that makes me want to cheer them, bring them some joy. I have promised to make milkshakes for all of them one day next week. Pat was so excited, she just jumped up and down and clapped her hands. She weighs 82 pounds and is a little fragile doll.

I think this day went very well. It will just take time. I pray Joe learns to like it at the home and find ways to keep busy. He knows I can't get him up if he falls, and that it is full time care for him. At least, I hope and pray he realizes it. My friend Kathy Weiner has said she will bring starter plants over soon and help him start a garden there. One of the activity directors, Maggie, has said she would help him garden, too and walk with him. They have all fallen in love with him.

I had a very nice and intersting lunch today with my friend Kathy Weiner at the Havana Cafe on Bell Rd., near Scottsdale Rd. They spotlight different culture's food and this week was Puerto Rican dishes. I had the most delicious fried sweet potatoes, and empanaditas filled with cabbages and chicken and vegetables. Kathy said she had been wanting to go there for a long time. It was very interesting.
Thank you God for a good day!

Good news-day 4 was good!

I never know what to expect when I go visit Joe. This was his fourth day in the group home, Villa at Sweetwater, and I thought it would be better and it was.

I knew that today I would not see him alone and it is harder for him to "push my buttons "when others are around. Three friends were there at same time I was, Linda Bliss who found the home for me, Joan Stempski who is my realtor and was there to notarize some papers for us, and my dear and wonderful good friend, Kathy Weiner. Kathy and Linda witnessed the papers we signed. It turned into a very happy and joyous visit and that was wonderful.

Everyone loves Joe and thinks he is sweet as pudding, and he certainly was today.
Linda asked him to give them all a tour of the home and to introduce them to other residents. So that is what happened, and they were fussing over him and he was the center of attention.
Joe is a very social person and he loved having so many people talking to him and for him to talk to. We were all there about an hour and a half, and when I left, I left a happy, smiling person. I also felt very happy and joyous when I left!

Linda came up with some ideas to keep him busy and we shall see if they work for him.
Maggie, one of the activity directors says she will walk with him. And they even talked of planting a garden in backyard, and listening to books on tapes. Maggie said she put one of his jazz DVD's on for him yesterday also.

So I had a lovely day also. Had a wonderful lunch at Z Pizza eating delicious gourmet pizza with Linda Bliss, and this evening Esther came over and I sauteed portebello mushrooms, had fresh white corn steaming hot, and veggies, and hummus and crackers and delicious dessert from AJ's. It was a nice day. Thank you, God.

Day three for Joe

Monday September 18, 2006
Day three with Joe at group home

I did not sleep but two hours last night, so worked on a scrapbook of Joe and I for Emma Ruth all night, and went to sleep about 6:00 and slept to 8:00 am, then rushed to get to salon for cut and color this morning.

I was very tired all day, of course. When I finished with the salon I knew it was about time for him to have his after lunch nap, so I just went to Sprouts and Walmart and came home. I did get about an hour’s sleep and then rushed out at 5:00 to go back to the group home.

They were just finishing dinner when I got there, and Joe said hi but was not smiling at me. I brought him from table to living room and could see he was in a very depressed mood. He was not angry with me today and had probably forgotten yesterday, but was just depressed. He seemed very sad to me.

I asked him if he wanted to go into back yard and we walked around there for awhile and then sat at a table on patio. He was very quiet, so I said let’s go back in and watch TV. He told me the people there annoyed him as some do not speak at all, and don’t make sense at times, and one man calls for help all the time whether he needs it or not. He said it was not quiet at night and they did tell me he wanted to nap right after breakfast today as well, so he had two naps today.

He told me he did not like it there. It just made me very depressed also and I felt like crying most of the time I was there today. I did cry when I got to my car, as I understood totally what he was saying. All the people are older than him and in worse physical shape. He may be the worst with dementia but he is in pretty good physical shape.

I do not know if I can keep him there. I really don’t. Right now I want to take him out after the one month when I get back from Chicago.

Day Two for Joe

Sunday, September 17, 2006
Day Two for Joe at the group home

Esther and I went to see Joe about 3:30 on Sunday afternoon, as that had given Joe time to have several meals and two naps there and one whole night. I was hoping he had begun to adjust to the home.

He was sitting in the living room watching TV and was in pretty good spirits. I think he was hoping we were there to take him home though.
A few other residents came into the room also. I told Joe I had brought some DVD’s for him to watch, and he acted like I should just take them home as he would not be there long enough to watch them. I told him he might get tired of TV and want to see them while I was gone to Chicago.
He said, "Are you still riding that horse? You’ve been riding this horse for a long time!!”

I then saw and heard he was upset that I was still here and had not left on any trip and yet had put him in the home. I tried to explain to him, but a bit later Heidi and Jimmy came to see him, and he told Heidi about this. He even asked her if I was leaving that day and she said no. He said is she leaving tomorrow and Heidi said no. And he said, I bet she won’t leave for several days! (which is true, of course)

He was pretty good today and great with everyone but me, and I could see he was angry at me. We stayed until he finished dinner and told him bye and he was very quiet when we left, and I was very upset.

Esther and I went out to dinner and talked about it all for a very long time.
So goes day two, and now I rather dread going tomorrow.

Saturday September 16, 2006
A monumental day for Joe, and all of us

This was G-day, the day had arrived for Joe to go to the group home I had found. I had looked at several places and felt good about the one I had chosen in north Scottsdale. I had told Joe he would have to stay there while I went to see our new granddaughter in Illinois, near Chicago. He did not like it but most of the time he would finally accept it as it was to be for just the duration of the time I was gone. To tell the truth, I was hoping it would work out to be permanent because in past two months Joe had gotten so much worse and required full time and constant care. I have felt for some time it was time for him to go to a residential group home that only took 5-10 people.

Friday evening I took him to dinner to his favorite place, Pappadeaux’s, and we had a wonderful evening. After we got home I reminded him that the next day he was to go to the home and he got very angry and said harsh things to me. I was upset and so was he.

But when he woke up Saturday he did not remember Friday night at all, and was happy and cheerful and even said “what are we going to do today?’. I decided not to tell him or remind him and to let the morning remain peaceful, as I had to shower and shave him and dress him.

At 11:00 a.m. my friend Esther came over to go with us. Joe adores her and I wanted her with us as a buffer and because she is so wonderful with him. She just said, “let’s go” and walked Joe to the car and he did not resist or ask where we were going. About half way there he did say, “Where are we going?” and then answered it himself by saying we were probably going to lunch. I thought he would recognize the house when I pulled up in front of it but he didn’t, and commented what a beautiful home it was and asked who lived there? (he had been there before and toured the place and had lunch there a few weeks ago, but he had forgotten it)

We went in the house and he kept saying how big it was and how nice it was and then I told Esther to take him on a tour of the place and I put the few last minute things I had brought in his room. I had brought his clothing, etc. the day before, so all was already there. I had even put out photos of all the grandkids and a small CD player and some of his jazz CD’s. He never noticed any of that.
Then I told him lunch was ready and they wanted him at the table to eat, so he went and ate lunch with other residents. He was talkative and even made a joke at the table. Esther and I went out on patio and talked. After the meal, the lady in charge asked Joe if he would like to take a nap and he said he would and she took him to his room and he went to bed. She came to get us as she could not work the CD player and Esther went to the room and put on the music and talked to Joe.
We woke him when we left and kissed him and then he went back to sleep. They said best I did not come back tht day so Joe could settle in.
The day went so smoothly and Joe showed no resistance, and Esther and I both started crying because we knew our prayers had been answered. It was like a miracle! Thank you, God.

Another wonderful thing that happened was with a couple of very wonderful residents there. Probably the only two there who can converse and seem to understand things. Herman is the sweetest man with a very keen mind, but he is very sick. The staff had said he had been asking every day when Joe would be there. He had Joe sit by him at the table and was very nice to him. As Esther and I were leaving, Esther said, “let’s go see Herman” and she thanked Herman for being so welcoming and loving to Joe, and Herman said, “ Don’t worry. I will take care of him!” It was just the sweetest thing. The other special resident there is the only woman there and her name is Pat. She is just a joy, and Esther fell in love with her too.

So ends day one. I think it has all been a bigger adjustment for me than Joe. I cried every day last week and it is the hardest thing I have ever done.