Life's challenges

Today it was the day for Joe's appointment with his glaucoma specialist in Sun City. This is never an easy trip. There is the length of the drive, the preparation of taking him there, the office waiting and exams, the trip back and the fact he has usually missed lunch at the care home. Last fall it was not a big problem, but as time has progressed and Joe's Alzheimer's has worsened, it has become more difficult. The last time about 3 months ago, we had a not-good episode at MacDonald's. He cannot hold the hamburger with the wrapping and figure out how to eat it. He makes big messes and gets angry. Today I made another mistake and that was stopping at Carolina's for lunch because he loves the red chile burros there. It was even harder to eat than a hamburger and I was jumping up every few seconds to help him. He gets angry because he has to have help and always says something not nice to me. Today he was even worse.
But the worst part today was at the doctor's office. A lady was supposed to give him a visual field test, and it turned out it could not be done because he cannot follow her dirctions. He also was dis-oriented and not able to do anything he was supposed to do. Then in the actual exam with the Dr. for his eye pressure testing, Joe could not follow his directions either. We guided his chin to the place it had to be and the Dr. had me stand behind him and hold his head in place and against a strap, so he could be tested. This had to be done twice- before and after dilation of the eye. It was all very awkward and frustrating and I know it is upsetting to Joe as well.
His eye pressure was good so he does not have to go back for 6 monhts. I think in the fall I will find another Dr. who is closer. I am not even sure in 6 months he can go at all anyway. He seems to be getting worse mentally almost every week. The head caregiver at the home and the hospice nurse see this too and say the same thing to me. I was near tears the whole day and had to fight back constantly to keep from breaking down. Joe is jsut a lost child. He seems to not even know where he is sometimes.
Today at the Dr. office he told me he had never been there before. Of course, we have been going there for years and been there many times. He is also hallucinating a lot, and today especially had problems with the very thick phlegm in his throat that is choking him. Most of the time you cannot undrstand what he says at all.
It was a challenging day and a sad day.